discovery – ZP's Radical Sabbatical

“I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.”
-Ahunnaya

This will be my fifth time flying visiting Australia. You would think I’d be experienced enough to know my way around the CBD (Central Business District) or around my little beach town of Cronulla.

Not even close.

I cannot count how many times I’ve messaged whoever I was scheduled to meet to inform them that I was lost and would be late.

Two things I hate being is lost or late.

During my December 2018 visit, I frequently found myself getting lost as I made my way to my destinations. It was usually because I wasn’t paying attention, took a wrong turn and ended up in a place I had never been before. My commute would be extended anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour.

I continued to grow frustrated with myself as this regularly occurred. I’d ask myself, “Zaighum, how do you not remember?!”, “You’ve been here so many times!”, and of course “Can you not read a street sign?!”

I couldn’t even follow Siri’s instructions as she explained the route using Google Maps.

Pathetic.

My worldview on getting lost changed on December 20, 2018.

I was on my way to Circular Quay to see my cousin for lunch. I like to get off the train at Town Hall Station then walk a few blocks to get there.

I don’t really understand what happened, but I somehow ended up at Barangaroo. See below what was supposed to happen:

Map 1 (Left): Expectation
Map 2 (Right): Reality

“Idiot”, I muttered to myself.

I messaged my cousin to let him know that I would be running late. He didn’t care (I mean he shouldn’t have, I was paying for lunch after all). He didn’t ask how long I would be. He didn’t ask if I wanted to reschedule. He just told me he’d be waiting for me when I got there.

So, I sat at Barangaroo Wharf waiting for the ferry to arrive. While sitting at the wharf, I began to reflect on my frustration.

So what? I was lost. Was it the end of the world? No. I found a ferry wharf and I’d be at my destination in twenty minutes. Was I in a sketchy area of the city? Nope. It was quite lovely where I was. It was a sunny day, there was shelter from the sun, I had a water bottle to keep myself hydrated and my phone had a full battery with plenty of data to help the time to pass.

I embraced the place that I was in and chose to enjoy what was around me. I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. So many people long for the opportunity to visit Australia, but never end up making it.

I was here, and I needed to seize the day.

Barangaroo Wharf
Sydney, Australia
*December 20, 2018*

The ferry eventually arrived, and I made my way across the water towards my destination. The detour that I made in error reminded me how fortunate I was to be “lost” in the city that I love so much. I waved at other passengers on the ferries sailing by, I paused and stared at the creepy looking entrance of Luna Park, then I just sat in awe as I sailed under the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Three quick stops later and I arrived at Circular Quay Wharf.

As I prepare for the next 365 Days that are ahead of me, I am letting go of my fears of being lost. I don’t even know where my final destination is as I travel and explore the country I am choosing to call home a year. I couldn’t tell you where I am going to end my trip both literally and figuratively; I don’t know what cities I will visit, who I will meet, or what I’ll learn about myself.

I can tell you this: I will live in the moment and embrace the journey ahead.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

Onwards,
-Zaighum

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, come humour, and some style” – Maya Angelou

I first heard the term “Radical Sabbatical” while listening to The RobCast: Sounds like Davin Young. Davin speaks about a season of his life where he experiences great success in both his professional and personal life, only to be met with burnout.

The feeling of burnout was met with great loss. He tells himself during this season of his life that he shouldn’t be burnt out, however he develops guilt and shame as a result of not being where he had pictured himself to be. So, he embarked on a Radical Sabbatical which took him out of his current space and into a season of self-discovery. In his time away he had a “sky splitting open” moment where he finally found the clarity that he was seeking.

Now, I don’t know about you but let me tell you, I was completely undone when I heard his story because that was where I was at in my own life.

As you read in my description, I am a Canadian Millennial that “had it all.”

I was well educated; I carried three credentials from three reputable institutes in the Metro-Vancouver area and was not burdened with student loans. I loved my job; had the best boss who I would literally go to the ends of the earth for, had a flexible schedule and working arrangements, did rewarding work in my community, got four weeks vacation a year, full dental/medical benefits, and collaborated with talented individuals locally and globally. I had a fully loaded and reliable car (well, it crapped out on me just before I became (f)unemployed; but that’s a different story). I had a solid group of friends that I could call on at any moment, just as I would do the same for them. Oh, and I was debt free. All of this at twenty-six years old.

Despite “having it all”, I grew frustrated with myself for my inability to find joy in all that I had; it was exhausting. I was surviving, but I was not living.

Then I went to Australia.

I walked on beaches I had never walked on before. I visited new places that took my breath away. I went to old places that carried beautiful memories from my childhood. I tried new restaurants. I got lost almost every day as the streets I once knew were blocked off or shut down due to development. I discovered I like Rum and Whiskey. I put myself out there despite being uncomfortable meeting new people and would say “hello” to just about everyone I saw.

I fell in love.

Now, I’m sure the people who know me have an eyebrow raised. “Who did he fall in love with and what’s the story?!”

I fell in love with myself. I fell in love with who I am when I’m in Australia.

January 1, 2019. Sydney Opera House on SYDNYE 2018.
This photo was taken just after the fireworks concluded. I made the decision I was going to pursue my “Radical Sabbatical” while surrounded by 7000 spectators.
(little did I know, it was going to happen much sooner than I had planned.)

When I am in Australia, I do not care what my hair looks like. The humidity alone causes me to put my hair up in a bandana most days. I wear whatever I want, I can’t really wear layers as it’s too hot so I have to accept my body for what it looks like at the time. I eat and drink whatever I want and as much as I want because I don’t hear anyone telling me, “you’re fat/overweight” or “you’ve let yourself go.” I do not make a schedule of what my day is supposed to look like or meeting deadlines. I go to the beach at least two to three times a week. I am not screaming at the driver who cuts me off on the road or freaking out because of traffic because I can get everywhere that I need to get to on the train. The structure, control, and perfection that I obsess over melts away.

I get the rare opportunity to press “re-start” and write a new story.

So, I am boarding a plane to pursue my dreams in 8 Days, 14 Hours, and 25 Minutes. I have a one way ticket, a passport, a wardrobe, years of education and work experience, and the little finances I have left in my bank account.

I have asked myself to do three things during my Radical Sabbatical:

Embrace rest
Be outside daily
Discover new places

I’m not sure where I go from here, but I can’t wait to find out!

Onwards,
-Zaighum

Tag: discovery

I’m on my Way

What is a “Radical Sabbatical” and why am I going on one?