Tag: escape

“It’s better to look back on life and say, ‘I can’t believe I did that,’ than to look back and say, ‘I wish I did that.'” – Unknown

Jet lagged.

I woke up yesterday morning at 2am, then 4am, then 5am, then finally wide awake at 8am.

Sydney, Australia is 17 hours ahead from Vancouver, Canada.

I rolled out of bed and made my way into the kitchen. The kettle was already on, Mark (my cousin’s fiancé) was on the computer a few steps away, and it was time for breakfast. A cup of tea and some toast with honey and peanut butter was my chosen meal. I walked onto the deck and sat at the bottom of the steps. It was hitting me, I was actually here.

I live in Engadine, a suburb in Southern Sydney. Engadine is located about 45 minutes (by train) from the Sydney CBD (Central Business District) in the local government area of the area I grew up in, Sutherland Shire.

Mark’s home is at the end of his street. He put his heart and soul into building it. It’s has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a massive kitchen with a centre island, and a large living/dining area. The windows allow for the natural light to shine in when there’s sun. The deck looks over the backyard which has swimming pool, granny flat (a rental unit) with private gazebo, and greenery as far as the eye can see. Beside the swimming pool, there is an outdoor kitchen area which Mark and my cousin Lovella call “Banksia Bar”, which has a built in BBQ, full service bar and kitchen, plenty of seating, and even a washroom.

Once you arrive in Australia, there are two things you need to get in order:

1. Lodge a request for a Tax File Number (TFN)
2. Open up a Bank Account

I finished the application for the TFN in a few minutes and was informed I would receive it within 28 Days.

If you do a Working Holiday in Australia, you should open a bank account with nab (National Australia Bank). All you need to open your account is:

1. Passport
2. Boarding Pass (from your flight into Australia)
3. Drivers License
4. Working Holiday Visa Grant Number
5. A phone number

Sounds like a simple process, right?

Of course not, because I have to do it.

First, I walked out of the train station and wandered up and down the streets looking for the bank. Google Maps failed to tell me that the bank was inside the mall (sigh). Once I got into the mall, the directory made no sense to me and I wandered the halls for about fifteen minutes. When I finally found the bank, they were lined out the door. Once it got to my turn, I was told the next available appointment with an account manager wouldn’t be for another two hours.

After killing time shopping (which is always dangerous when you do not have a source of income), I went back to the bank for my appointment.

I met James, one of the account manager’s. He was awesome, super personable; kindest guy you’ll ever meet. He recently got married, and him and his wife will be doing a one month trip in South America.

As he was setting up my account, he asked me what I planned to do while in Australia?

He was the first local to ask me that question.

I sat there in front of him and stared at the table between us; the small funds I had brought over with me, my travel documents, and papers to sign scattered across the top.

I looked up at him, unsure what to say.

You see, I have a series of well calculated and politically correct responses to this question. I’ve been giving variations for the last two weeks, perhaps you’ve heard them:

1. I’m going to go on adventures
2. Find work that relates to my field of study
3. Looking to expand my personal and professional life experience
4. It’s my “eat, pray, love” year
5. Following my dream of living abroad

The pressure of always having these carefully thought out responses has been exhausting.

I smiled at him. James doesn’t know me. We just met and we will likely never see each other again. I am one of the hundreds of clients he will meet over the next six months, so I had nothing to lose by speaking my truth.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, and that’s okay.”

I paused waiting to see what his reaction was going to be.

“That’s so inspiring, I’m so excited for you!”, he exclaimed.

It was?

Relocating to the other side of the world with a heart full of dreams and nothing lined up is inspiring?

Alright.

I need to allow myself to be okay with where I am at right now.

I cannot start work till July because that marks a new tax year for Australians. I need to revamp my resume and cover letter and begin reaching out to the network that I have built over the last four years to inquire about employment opportunities. I have to read over job opportunities, research the company, prepare questions, and go through an entire application/interview process. I need to be prepared for rejection; one of my biggest fears both personally and professionally.

I need to accept two things: I may not get the jobs that I have hoped for and I may need to settle for the serving job at the local cafe.

These are okay things.

I’ve already broken the traditional narrative that has been laid out for millennial’s to follow:

1. Get a degree
2. Get a job
3. Build your career
4. Start a family
5. Buy a house
6. Plan for retirement

No where in that narrative does it say: go and live.

My friend Somi called me before I flew out and said, “Zaighum, you are a human being, not a human doing.“

So I finished my day in my favourite spot in Sutherland Shire, Cronulla Beach. I did my usual routine, walk along the boardwalk and just sit for awhile and just be.

I was walking back to the train after my time of reflection and received a message through Instagram from a colleague I went to College with.

Here’s what she said:

“Hey Zaighum! I know we haven’t talked since our one class at Douglas (which was over five years ago) but I just wanted to say I’m so, so excited for you and this new chapter in your life. I have been following your updates vicariously and I felt the same excitement you felt when I decided to move to Thailand for a year. I know for a fact that you will learn so much about yourself, make life long memories, but more important, meet people that will inspire you. It’s going to be a crazy ride but it will be so worth it in the end. Best of luck, stay safe and simply be in the moment.”

By the moment I got to the end of the message I sat on a park bench with my face in my hands.

I’m not only going to be fine, I’m going to thrive.

So, if you are in a place in your life where you are not sure what the heck you’re doing, please accept these words:

That’s okay.

Onwards,
-Zaighum