Tag: funemployed

My First Month

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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

– Unknown
Luna Park
North Sydney, NSW
July 17, 2019

I celebrated my one month in this country by visiting Luna Park, a restored 1930’s amusement park that is on the corner of the Sydney Harbour.

My favourite ride was the Hair Raiser, it’s so funny seeing people’s hair before and after the ride (although, my hair has plenty of volume due to my round brush, blow dry and four product routine; it also doesn’t move).

Once you’re strapped into your seat, you are slowly brought up 50 metres above sea level for a bird’s eye view of the Sydney Harbour before being dropped over 80kms towards the ground.

I’ve never been much for heights, but I do enjoy amusement park rides.

I’ve been fortunate to be surrounded by my family, I haven’t lived with them since I was ten years old. We are getting re-aquatinted and learning who we are in this current stage of our lives. I don’t remember every night I’ve shared with them as we like to share a few beverages.

(Oh, and they’ve taught me how to drink wine; no more Moscato for me)

My cousin, Lovella and her fiancé, Mark have been extremely supportive. Not only have they given me a place to live, but we spend a lot of time together. We celebrate my mini milestones, we share meals together, watch shows on the couch, and go into the city the odd time.

They have kept my mind busy so I don’t always get lost in my head; it has made this season of self discovery so much easier.

My cousin, Lovella & I
Darling Harbour, NSW
July 12, 2019

There is a vantage point in North Sydney that looks over Sydney Harbour, and isn’t congested with tourists like Circular Quay. I’ve always looked at from the other side, but never took the time to go over. With all of my free time, it was time to check it out.

I found some park benches over looking the water, so I sat down and reflected on my first month here.

Sydney Harbour Bridge
(taken from North Sydney)
July 17, 2019

I am still trying to grasp that I’m actually in Australia and that I have been here for a month.

I have realized this trip is turning into a journey of deep learning: addressing insecurities I have suppressed, hurt that I have not dealt with and accepting my life for where it currently is.

Here are three things that I have had to let go of since being here:

  1. Letting go of Expectations:
    • Expectation: I had everything planned out in my head the moment I landed – go on a road trip, find a job, meet new people, make some friends.
    • Reality: My road trip fell through, I’ve sent out almost 150 applications and have been rejected by them all, I have not met a lot of people, I only have three friends (who have their own lives); goodness these days have been somewhat lonely.
  2. Letting go of my Career:
    • Expectation: I was going to be the guy who got the “Golden Opportunity”. Took the risk to follow my dream of living in Australia and continue to build on the career I had worked so hard to establish.
    • Reality: Now that I have been (f)unemployed for almost two months, I’m beginning to see this entire experience as the disruption that was needed for me to break out of what I was doing and discover what I am truly meant to do; I’ll get back to you on that one.
  3. Letting go of People who Belong in the Past:
    • Expectation: I have held onto the odd chance that there may be a “pick up where we left off” moment, where things will go back to how they used to be. I have kept text messages from significant people from my journey that go as far back as 2014, waiting for the day I see a “hello”.
    • Reality: They aren’t coming back and things will never be the same. These individuals chose to walk away, we don’t even talk anymore (and the off chance that we do, I realize that keeping them in my life is not helping me move forward), and I don’t even live in the same country as them anymore. It shouldn’t be this difficult to let go.

I have found myself looking back at the last year and have asked myself:

“What if I had done that differently?”

“What if I had just spoken up?”

“What if I said this instead?”

“What if I had just given them space?”

Looking back at that chapter of my life has done me no favours.

There have been moments where I have felt like the ground beneath my feet is imploding and I find myself facing a complete meltdown. There have been moments of crying on the train, in the middle of the city, or on the beach; each time frustrated with my struggle to let go.

Sometimes I don’t make it out of the house and I lay on the couch reading a book or binge a Netflix Original Series all day.

I continue to struggle with the “who am I” question.

Who am I without my career, without my friends, without the things I have been holding onto, without my structure, without my routine?

I have felt so lost in my search for my identity.

Identity Crisis at 26 … yikes.

I don’t like feeling this way, yet I know deep down that all of this is supposed to be happening the way it is and this is all going to shape me into who I’m supposed to be.

As I begin to let go of the control that I have been so desperate to hold onto, I have noticed things are slowly falling into place right before me.

Friends, dealing with your shit is not easy.

It can be scary, exhausting, difficult, heartbreaking, and a whole lot of other things.

In order for growth to happen, it may be necessary to go through them.

Perhaps if you deal with it now, you won’t feel so lost in your head, have an identity crisis that triggers a major meltdown, and move to the other side of the world to find yourself?

(It’s okay for that to happen too)

Reflection Time:

  1. How do you deal with your shit?
  2. What do you need to let go that’s holding you back?

Now that you’ve caught a glimpse of the not so fun part of my journey, let me tell you what has been keeping me energized!!!

F45 Engadine
Engadine, NSW
July 17, 2019

With all of my free time and the need for face-to-face conversations, I have been regularly attending my local F45. We do 45 Minutes circuit training, focusing on cardio on Monday/Wednesday/Friday and functional strength training on Tuesday/Thursday.

I wake up at 6:00am, leave the house by 6:20am, walk the fifteen minutes to the gym to attend the 6:45am session. Finish at 7:30am, do some stretches then slowly walk back home.

I was given a shoutout by the team recently, doing the one thing I dread the most.

Weight Training.

Going to the gym has been giving me something to do, forcing me to do something productive with my time, even if it’s just for 45 Minutes out of my day. It’s been quite cathartic and is helping me reach some personal goals.

It has also helped burned off the carbs and alcohol that has snuck into my diet.

Poutine at BL Burgers
Darlinghurst, NSW
July 12, 2019

I … FOUND … POUTINE!

I was in Darlinghurst watching a Comedy Sketch by a local Drag Queen before meeting up with my cousin in Darling Harbour.

As I was walking towards the harbour, I was reading all of the different menus advertised outside the restaurants along the strip and saw poutine on one of the menus.

I turned back around to double check if I had read it correctly.

It was correct, this place sold poutine!

I have a weakness for poutine, had one the day before I left for Australia because I did not think I would be able to eat one for a whole year.

I walked up the owner, and asked my usual questions when I see poutine being advertised on the menu:

  1. What is the gravy base?
    • It was mushroom
  2. Do you use actual cheese curds?
    • They did (well, they were tiny … but it did the trick)

I didn’t waste anytime, I gave them my money and waited.

When it arrived, I snapped my picture and then took the first bite.

Heaven.

Now, it isn’t exactly the way it tastes back home. The seasoning is a bit different on the french fries, the cheese curds are small, and it almost tasted like the salt shaker broke and the contents fell into my box … BUT it’ll do for now.

Pre-Race Photo
Engadine, NSW
Sutherland2Surf
July 21, 2019

I spent the last month training for an 11km Run!

The only organized runs I’ve ever participated in were the Scotia 5km and the BMO 8km back in Vancouver.

So, signing up for an 11km was a big stretch.

I was determined to do it, it was something I had never done before and one of my goals on my Radical Sabbatical was to try new things.

There is something special about the Running Community. Everyone shows up on race day with the same common purpose; finish the race.

There’s the final five minutes, the organizers blast the pump up music and people begin to toss their Throwaway Gear.

I always start to tear up at this moment, not sure why.

I play two songs before I do any run (the actual or training):

  1. Where The Streets Have No Name: U2
  2. We Built this City: Rocketship

The Sutherland2Surf is quite interesting. You run through the following suburbs within the Sutherland Shire:

  • Sutherland
  • Kirrawee
  • Gymea
  • Miranda
  • Caringbah
  • Woolooware
  • Cronulla

There are people throughout the race route cheering you on.

High fives are given out, kids have noise makers, and there is camaraderie on the course by fellow runners.

As I made my way towards the final stretch, the crowds got bigger and bigger, it was quite the spectacle for our little beach suburb.

My final time was 1:07, beat what I had expected to do by 8 Minutes.

There was a familiar face at the finish line after I got my medal.

Ronald McDonald and I
Sutherland2Surf 2019
Wanda Beach, Cronulla, NSW

The Maccas (McDonald’s) Owner Operators of Sutherland Shire are official sponsors of Sutherland2Surf.

I will always love my McLife and am embracing my new role as a “McDAlumni”. It was pretty special to see representation in my new community of Sutherland Shire; something I was fortunate to lead back in Metro-Vancouver.

And so, I look forward to the next eleven months that are ahead of me.

I have no idea what is going to happen next: where will I work, who will I meet, what will I experience, or what I’ll learn?

What I do know is I won’t be able to experience any of it if I continue to re-read a chapter of my life that I cannot re-write.

It’s time to turn the page.

Onwards,
-Zaighum

Today, Not Someday.

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A Humpback Whale breaching just outside the harbour
Sydney, NSW

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

– Mark Twain

“I’ll do that someday.”

Do you catch yourself saying that a lot?

There are so many things I want to do but I put it off for “someday”. I want to do it, I hope I can do it, I wish I can do it, I dream I can do it, I even pray that I can do it; but when the opportunity finally makes itself available, I don’t do it.

I’ve given myself a “someday” for just about everything I’ve ever wanted to do:

Someday, I’ll lose weight. Someday, I’ll learn how to use the weights at the gym. Someday, I’ll go bungee jumping. Someday, I’ll go skydiving. Someday, I’ll go on a road trip. Someday, I’ll go to grad school. Someday, I’ll put myself out there and meet new people. Someday, I’ll travel every continent.

Someday.

New Years Day at the Sydney Opera House
January 1, 2019

The moment before that picture was taken (above), I made the decision to stop dreaming about living in Australia someday, and to just go for it.

Five months later, I began my one year Radical Sabbatical here in beautiful Sydney, Australia!

As I continue to journey along this season of (f)unemployment, I’ve decided to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do but never gave myself an opportunity to do.

I made so many excuses not to do them:

  1. I had to work
  2. I didn’t have enough money
  3. I didn’t have the free time
  4. I needed to hand in an assignment
  5. I’ll go someday
Whale Watching
Sydney, Australia
July 9, 2019

I’ve always wanted to go Whale Watching. I lived in the West Coast of Canada, there are so many opportunities to go Whale Watching and see our beautiful Orca Whales or Dolphins swim and breach along our coast.

I was in Circular Quay on Monday, trying to figure out what I wanted to do during the week (I have a lot of free time on my hands, as you can tell). There were multiple booths for Whale Watching, I walked up to each one and asked them about pricing and the schedule. The average price was about $90 (something I was not that thrilled to pay for). I walked over to one of the last booths which was Captain Cook Cruises, and they told me I could go the next afternoon for $55.

Sold.

I walked up the Wharf on Tuesday. It was quite a lineup to get onto the Catamaran. Fortunately, when you’re the solo traveler, you can get any open seat at the upper deck (yay).

We were given complimentary Barf Bags (so thoughtful). I chuckled to myself when they were being handed out. The waters didn’t seem that rough?

HAH!

Once we left the harbour, the boat was hopping on the waves and you couldn’t walk on the boat without holding onto something (guess who fell down the stairs, sigh). People were using those bags, some people used theirs up and were going off the side of the boat, and one guy didn’t make it past opening the washroom door (everywhere … it was everywhere).

Helpful Tip: stay hydrated, but don’t eat before you go onto the open waters.

Anyway, the scenery was breath taking. You look back and can see all of the cliffs, beaches, and the city skyline. Ugh, what a view!

Then you look out into the water and you realize you’re on sailing the Pacific Ocean. The wind was blowing, the sun was out, there was not a cloud in the sky.

The Skipper slowed the ship down, and we were told over the loud speaker that there were two hump back whales swimming ahead. Moments later, we had a pod of dolphins (you can look at some short clips in the instagram post above).

People who know me well will tell you I am one of the most emotional people you’ll ever meet.

I was a wreck watching these mammals come up for air.

Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one on this ship that appreciated the opportunity we were experiencing because there were a lot of people crying.

Phew.

Climb Fit
Kirrawee, NSW
July 10, 2019

The next day, my cousin was chatting with me at breakfast and asked what my plans were for the day?

I didn’t have any, was likely going to bum around the city.

She told me she was going to their her kids Indoor Rock Climbing and asked if I wanted to tag along?

I’ve always wanted to go, I just never had the time or anyone to go with so I jumped on the opportunity!

While I’ve never been too afraid of heights, there’s something about the idea of rock climbing climbing that has always made me queasy. Oh, and they don’t give helmets (seriously … even the ones I’ve seen in Manila, Philippines give you a helmet).

Nonetheless, my little cousin was belaying for me, and I faced my fears and climbed to the top (the video below is my 2nd climb … the first one I skinned my knee and cussed in the video, oops).

Climb Fit
Kirrawee, NSW
July 10, 2019

I woke up the next morning and realized that one year ago I finished the final class of my Bachelor of Arts in Leadership. To celebrate, I went into the city for a walk.

There’s a patch of grass as you enter The Rocks below one of the pillars of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

I laid out in the sun, the calm breeze brought the subtle salt water smell to where I was. Boats sailed by, the running groups were training, and the cars and train going over the bridge made up the typical downtown noise.

I reflected on the significance of that moment.

On the evening we finished our class, Leading in the World.

We were asked by our instructor what our degrees would do for us once we walked out of the doors of the university?

Some of my colleagues said they would use their degrees to become teachers and others said they would become counsellors.

I’ve always said my degree would give me the courage to pursue my dream of being in Australia.

And it has.

I quit a job that I loved, paid off my debt, packed up my bags, and pursued a dream that was on my heart.

I left the only life that I knew back in Vancouver. I’ve pressed “restart” and have this rare opportunity to create a new identity, create new structure, meet new people, learn more about myself, try new things and take the time to find whatever it is that has drawn me to Australia.

I am living my dream right now; today, not someday.

Dawes Point (The Rocks)
Sydney, Australia
July 11, 2019

So, think about this:

What is that thing you’ve always wanted to do someday?

The big question:

What is stopping you from doing it today, not someday?

I hope you pursue the first thing that came to your heart.

I promise you, it’ll be so worth it!

Onwards,
-Zaighum

*Restart*

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“So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again”
-Frank Sinatra

Soaked by sea spray and rain on the ferry to Manly, NSW
July 4, 2019

Friends, let me tell you something that I hope you’re able to accept.

You’re allowed to press the “restart” button.

Press it as often as you want and as many times as you may need.

Seriously, you’re allowed.

After my massive meltdown last weekend, crying over all of my expectations that have fallen a part, I’ve scrapped all of my plans and I’m taking things day by day.

I can afford to, so I will.

Since making this decision, I’ve never felt so free.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be” – Mandy Hale

With all of my free time, I’ve been getting out of the house to see places I’ve never taken the time to actually enjoy.

On average, I’ve been walking doing anywhere from 15,000 to 30,000 steps per day.

On Tuesday, I was brought to Bondi to do the Bondi to Coogee walk, a scenic 6km trek in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.

There was a spot on our walk where we stood for a little while. We stood at the edge a cliff and stared at the waves crashing against the rocks below. The sun was setting, the wind blew a steady breeze, and it felt as though no one was around except for us.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me.

Something in my heart whispered:

“This moment.
This moment right here?
This is what you were waiting for.”

“Smell the ocean, feel the sky; let your soul and spirit fly” – Van Morrison

On Wednesday, I did my regular trip to Cronulla.

Cronulla isn’t a busy tourist attraction like Bondi or Manly. The locals know about it, and that’s how I like it.

School was still in session this week (school holiday’s started this weekend), so the beach was extra empty during the day.

I walked up the stairs and made my way towards one of the private beaches I found back in 2015.

I love the walk just to get there. You can see all the beautiful houses, the architecture is so fascinating. There are different types of flowers and plants as you go along, I asked if I could pet every dog that walked by, and played peek-a-boo with the kids in the strollers as they passed by.

There are different vantage points that you can stop at and just absorb the view.

When I finally arrived at the hidden beach, no one was there.

I literally had the entire beach to myself.

Bliss.

I curled up on a rock, rolled up my sweater to use it as a cushion as I rested my head.

The sand just beyond the rock was not blemished by footprints, the water was still, and you could hear different birds chirping overhead.

There was a moment when I said out loud, “isn’t this beautiful?”

I propped myself up and looked around.

I forgot I was alone.

That is one of the trade-off’s about packing up your life and relocating to the other side of the world for a little while.

I don’t know a lot of people here, and the people that I do know work during the day.

I’ll get used to this kind of solitude in time.

“We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back form whence we came” – President John F. Kennedy

On Thursday, I took the ferry to Manly.

I stood on the outside deck. My hair was blowing in the wind, the ferry was bouncing over the waves, and I was drenched from the rain and sea spray.

There is so much beauty along that route, I hope you have a chance to see it for yourself.

I got off the ferry and just started walking towards the beach.

Things have changed since the last time I went there, but I knew the route.

I got to the edge of the beach and looked around.

“Left or right” I asked myself.

I turned right, and began to walk along the seawall.

Manly, NSW
July 4, 2019

I love being by the water.

I don’t really like swimming in it, but the walk is always nice.

I was in an area I’ve never been to, so I had to look around specific landmarks to make sure I remembered them in case I got lost (something I am prone to experiencing when I’m in this country).

Manly, NSW
July 4, 2019

As I was wandering up the hills, I stumbled upon this staircase.

I stood at the bottom for a little while. How cool do they look?

These stairs represent everything that is happening to me during my Radical Sabbatical.

There are different flights of stairs that are in front of me right now. I won’t know what’s at the top unless I start climbing them. Sure, the unknown can be scary, but you have no idea what you’re missing until you start climbing!

Is there a flight of stairs that you are standing in front of?

What’s stopping you from the climb?

I hope you find the courage to start and see where it leads.

I climbed the staircase and followed the trail.

There were different vantage points that I found, the view was breath taking!

I found a bench near the third picture (the cliff & waves). I needed to sit down, my feet were killing me.

I looked around at the different people just steps away from me.

A tradie (tradesperson) was leaned over a ledge smoking his cigarette while his workmate eating lunch and blasting music from the truck in the parking lot. A family of tourists were taking a selfie nearby, propping their phone into a tree (their selfie timer game is WAY stronger than mine). A couple of backpackers were lounged out at the vantage point nearby. There was another couple taking a nap in their car in the parking lot.

People watching is so fun.

It is such a privilege to be in a position to just “be” for a little while. I saved for months knowing this might be my reality; now I get to live it.

I have a few things planned this week:

  1. I’ve been going to the gym from 6:00am – 6:45am, Monday – Friday. The people I see always ask me, “why are you here at 6am when you don’t have to?!” They’re right … why am I waking up this early?! I’ll think I’ll start going to the 6:45am sessions.
  2. Two more weeks until the Sutherland2Surf! I’ve never ran more than 10km, let alone in a group of other runners. I need to train hard.
  3. Bar hopping on Friday, that’ll be a good time. My friend from my RSA Course is from New Zealand. She doesn’t really know people around here either; so a couple of wanderers out on the town? Should be a good time.
  4. The family is getting together on Saturday for Happy Hour! A family who likes Day Drinking? These are my peeps!

So, that’s two days planned out.

Everything else is going to be on the fly, I’ll likely plan them out as I walk back home from the gym.

What a life.

Hope you have a great week, friends; can’t wait to tell what happens next!

Onwards,
-Zaighum

I’m STILL (f)unemployed and it’s time to start enjoying it!

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“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the most of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner

Taking the Shuttle Bus into the City because there’s Track Work being done in the suburbs.
June 29, 2019

I can’t believe I’ve been (f)unemployed for a month.

I really thought I’d be getting ready to go back to work by now.

It didn’t actually hit me until I was on the bus going home.

I’ve sent 65 Resumes in under two weeks.

That’s right, 65.

Of the 65 resumes I’ve sent out, I’ve had ONE interview (by phone).

Yup, just one.

Both the Talent Acquisition Specialist and I agreed that while the job was perfect for me, I would be spending four hours per day on the train (two hours there, two hours back).

I had no choice but to go back to the drawing boards.

I was devastated.

All of my work experience, all of my education, all of my volunteerism.

Wasn’t that enough? Am I not enough?

Can you believe someone is this distraught about not working?

At the height of my emotional breakdown and identity crisis, I got a surprise phone call from a friend of mine living in Calgary, AB.

We did the usual catch up, then things got real.

He asked me how much I had saved to go on this trip? I brought what the Government of Australia asks Working Holiday Applicants to have in cash (or access to) when you arrive in the country. He asked me if I was alone? I wasn’t, I’m surrounded by family who I can reach within an hour. He asked me if there was food in the fridge? There definitely was. He asked me who I was staying with? I am staying with my cousin and her fiancé.

Then he asked, “then why are you in such a rush to go back to work?”

I was getting frustrated, I began to well up and my voice finally cracked as I said, “because I don’t know who I am without one.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “you did not pack up your life in Canada to just do the same thing in Australia.”

How fortunate am I to have friends who are willing to call me out on my shit?

I know of people who had it far worse when they did their working holiday and just came home early.

That won’t be me.

Sure, I’m not where I had planned to be, but I’m going to be just fine. Everything is falling into place (even though I can’t see it).

Who do you have in your life who can give you the tough love that you need to snap out of your pity party?

Perhaps you might need to give them a call and receive a pep talk.

Maybe you have to give someone a similar talk like the one I just got? I wasn’t expecting it or even asked for it … but oh, did I ever need it!

I’m blessed.

NO … MORE … PITY … PARTIES
June 25, 2019

“Our self-identity should be defined as who we are as individuals. What we do for work is only a piece of our lives.” – Rachael Tulipano

So, I’m pressing pause on actively looking for employment for a little while. My “coffee shop job” isn’t going anywhere after all.

#wearyourpride
June 30, 2019

What am I choosing to do to make the time pass by?

I signed up for a one month gym membership (yes, I did). An acquaintance of mine told me about circuit training that he did at F45 Training. I will be going to the 6am classes, something that I was doing three days a week back home; I’m upping the game to try and do five a week!

I signed up for the 11km run! Sutherland 2 Surf is on Sunday, July 21st! It starts off in Sutherland and takes you all the way down to Wanda Beach in my favourite area Cronulla. I’ve never ran this kind of distance before and I’m so excited to push myself to do reach this new personal achievement!

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it an remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”
Genesis 9:16 (NIV)
Cronulla, NSW
June 26, 2019

In order to get ready for my 11km run, I’ve decided I won’t just walk along my favourite beach … I’ll be running it! You can do a beautiful 10km run by running from South Beach to the Dunes and back. It’s a steady run along the boardwalk with beautiful ocean as far as your eye can see. I can’t wait!

Surry Hills, NSW
June 27, 2019

When I don’t have plans in the shire, you best believe I’ll be going into the city! On Thursday, I went out for coffee and brunch with a new friend. We ended up walking over 23,000kms around the city where we went bar hopping, saw new suburbs I’ve never been to, tried some new eateries, spoke about our education, and we even went dancing in an underground club. I actually enjoyed myself. Like, who am?!

The splitting headache that came the next morning.
June 28, 2019

I have a few items on the to-do list this week:

  1. Go to the Canadian Consulate and request my absentee ballot for our Federal Election (just because I’m in a different country, doesn’t mean I surrender my democratic duty as a Canadian)
  2. Continue to go Church Hopping to find a new community (super tough because a lot of these churches are quite conservative, sigh)
  3. Take my “not so little” cousin out into the city
  4. Buy more socks, another pair of jeans and flannel, it’s about to get colder (I think I’ll go to a few thrift shops for the flannel)
  5. Celebrate Canada Day (without Poutine, sigh)

As I kick off week three of my Radical Sabbatical, I’m retelling the valuable words from my friend Somi in my head:

“Zaighum, you are a human being, not a human doing”.

I hope they can help you on your own journey!

Onwards,
Zaighum