humanbeing – ZP's Radical Sabbatical

“So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
Start all over again”
-Frank Sinatra

Soaked by sea spray and rain on the ferry to Manly, NSW
July 4, 2019

Friends, let me tell you something that I hope you’re able to accept.

You’re allowed to press the “restart” button.

Press it as often as you want and as many times as you may need.

Seriously, you’re allowed.

After my massive meltdown last weekend, crying over all of my expectations that have fallen a part, I’ve scrapped all of my plans and I’m taking things day by day.

I can afford to, so I will.

Since making this decision, I’ve never felt so free.

“When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be” – Mandy Hale

With all of my free time, I’ve been getting out of the house to see places I’ve never taken the time to actually enjoy.

On average, I’ve been walking doing anywhere from 15,000 to 30,000 steps per day.

On Tuesday, I was brought to Bondi to do the Bondi to Coogee walk, a scenic 6km trek in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.

There was a spot on our walk where we stood for a little while. We stood at the edge a cliff and stared at the waves crashing against the rocks below. The sun was setting, the wind blew a steady breeze, and it felt as though no one was around except for us.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me.

Something in my heart whispered:

“This moment.
This moment right here?
This is what you were waiting for.”

“Smell the ocean, feel the sky; let your soul and spirit fly” – Van Morrison

On Wednesday, I did my regular trip to Cronulla.

Cronulla isn’t a busy tourist attraction like Bondi or Manly. The locals know about it, and that’s how I like it.

School was still in session this week (school holiday’s started this weekend), so the beach was extra empty during the day.

I walked up the stairs and made my way towards one of the private beaches I found back in 2015.

I love the walk just to get there. You can see all the beautiful houses, the architecture is so fascinating. There are different types of flowers and plants as you go along, I asked if I could pet every dog that walked by, and played peek-a-boo with the kids in the strollers as they passed by.

There are different vantage points that you can stop at and just absorb the view.

When I finally arrived at the hidden beach, no one was there.

I literally had the entire beach to myself.

Bliss.

I curled up on a rock, rolled up my sweater to use it as a cushion as I rested my head.

The sand just beyond the rock was not blemished by footprints, the water was still, and you could hear different birds chirping overhead.

There was a moment when I said out loud, “isn’t this beautiful?”

I propped myself up and looked around.

I forgot I was alone.

That is one of the trade-off’s about packing up your life and relocating to the other side of the world for a little while.

I don’t know a lot of people here, and the people that I do know work during the day.

I’ll get used to this kind of solitude in time.

“We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back form whence we came” – President John F. Kennedy

On Thursday, I took the ferry to Manly.

I stood on the outside deck. My hair was blowing in the wind, the ferry was bouncing over the waves, and I was drenched from the rain and sea spray.

There is so much beauty along that route, I hope you have a chance to see it for yourself.

I got off the ferry and just started walking towards the beach.

Things have changed since the last time I went there, but I knew the route.

I got to the edge of the beach and looked around.

“Left or right” I asked myself.

I turned right, and began to walk along the seawall.

I love being by the water.

I don’t really like swimming in it, but the walk is always nice.

I was in an area I’ve never been to, so I had to look around specific landmarks to make sure I remembered them in case I got lost (something I am prone to experiencing when I’m in this country).

As I was wandering up the hills, I stumbled upon this staircase.

I stood at the bottom for a little while. How cool do they look?

These stairs represent everything that is happening to me during my Radical Sabbatical.

There are different flights of stairs that are in front of me right now. I won’t know what’s at the top unless I start climbing them. Sure, the unknown can be scary, but you have no idea what you’re missing until you start climbing!

Is there a flight of stairs that you are standing in front of?

What’s stopping you from the climb?

I hope you find the courage to start and see where it leads.

I climbed the staircase and followed the trail.

There were different vantage points that I found, the view was breath taking!

I found a bench near the third picture (the cliff & waves). I needed to sit down, my feet were killing me.

I looked around at the different people just steps away from me.

A tradie (tradesperson) was leaned over a ledge smoking his cigarette while his workmate eating lunch and blasting music from the truck in the parking lot. A family of tourists were taking a selfie nearby, propping their phone into a tree (their selfie timer game is WAY stronger than mine). A couple of backpackers were lounged out at the vantage point nearby. There was another couple taking a nap in their car in the parking lot.

People watching is so fun.

It is such a privilege to be in a position to just “be” for a little while. I saved for months knowing this might be my reality; now I get to live it.

I have a few things planned this week:

I’ve been going to the gym from 6:00am – 6:45am, Monday – Friday. The people I see always ask me, “why are you here at 6am when you don’t have to?!” They’re right … why am I waking up this early?! I’ll think I’ll start going to the 6:45am sessions.
Two more weeks until the Sutherland2Surf! I’ve never ran more than 10km, let alone in a group of other runners. I need to train hard.
Bar hopping on Friday, that’ll be a good time. My friend from my RSA Course is from New Zealand. She doesn’t really know people around here either; so a couple of wanderers out on the town? Should be a good time.
The family is getting together on Saturday for Happy Hour! A family who likes Day Drinking? These are my peeps!

So, that’s two days planned out.

Everything else is going to be on the fly, I’ll likely plan them out as I walk back home from the gym.

What a life.

Hope you have a great week, friends; can’t wait to tell what happens next!

Onwards,
-Zaighum

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the most of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner

Taking the Shuttle Bus into the City because there’s Track Work being done in the suburbs.
June 29, 2019

I can’t believe I’ve been (f)unemployed for a month.

I really thought I’d be getting ready to go back to work by now.

It didn’t actually hit me until I was on the bus going home.

I’ve sent 65 Resumes in under two weeks.

That’s right, 65.

Of the 65 resumes I’ve sent out, I’ve had ONE interview (by phone).

Yup, just one.

Both the Talent Acquisition Specialist and I agreed that while the job was perfect for me, I would be spending four hours per day on the train (two hours there, two hours back).

I had no choice but to go back to the drawing boards.

I was devastated.

All of my work experience, all of my education, all of my volunteerism.

Wasn’t that enough? Am I not enough?

Can you believe someone is this distraught about not working?

At the height of my emotional breakdown and identity crisis, I got a surprise phone call from a friend of mine living in Calgary, AB.

We did the usual catch up, then things got real.

He asked me how much I had saved to go on this trip? I brought what the Government of Australia asks Working Holiday Applicants to have in cash (or access to) when you arrive in the country. He asked me if I was alone? I wasn’t, I’m surrounded by family who I can reach within an hour. He asked me if there was food in the fridge? There definitely was. He asked me who I was staying with? I am staying with my cousin and her fiancé.

Then he asked, “then why are you in such a rush to go back to work?”

I was getting frustrated, I began to well up and my voice finally cracked as I said, “because I don’t know who I am without one.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “you did not pack up your life in Canada to just do the same thing in Australia.”

How fortunate am I to have friends who are willing to call me out on my shit?

I know of people who had it far worse when they did their working holiday and just came home early.

That won’t be me.

Sure, I’m not where I had planned to be, but I’m going to be just fine. Everything is falling into place (even though I can’t see it).

Who do you have in your life who can give you the tough love that you need to snap out of your pity party?

Perhaps you might need to give them a call and receive a pep talk.

Maybe you have to give someone a similar talk like the one I just got? I wasn’t expecting it or even asked for it … but oh, did I ever need it!

I’m blessed.

NO … MORE … PITY … PARTIES
June 25, 2019

“Our self-identity should be defined as who we are as individuals. What we do for work is only a piece of our lives.” – Rachael Tulipano

So, I’m pressing pause on actively looking for employment for a little while. My “coffee shop job” isn’t going anywhere after all.

What am I choosing to do to make the time pass by?

I signed up for a one month gym membership (yes, I did). An acquaintance of mine told me about circuit training that he did at F45 Training. I will be going to the 6am classes, something that I was doing three days a week back home; I’m upping the game to try and do five a week!

I signed up for the 11km run! Sutherland 2 Surf is on Sunday, July 21st! It starts off in Sutherland and takes you all the way down to Wanda Beach in my favourite area Cronulla. I’ve never ran this kind of distance before and I’m so excited to push myself to do reach this new personal achievement!

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it an remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”
Genesis 9:16 (NIV)
Cronulla, NSW
June 26, 2019

In order to get ready for my 11km run, I’ve decided I won’t just walk along my favourite beach … I’ll be running it! You can do a beautiful 10km run by running from South Beach to the Dunes and back. It’s a steady run along the boardwalk with beautiful ocean as far as your eye can see. I can’t wait!

When I don’t have plans in the shire, you best believe I’ll be going into the city! On Thursday, I went out for coffee and brunch with a new friend. We ended up walking over 23,000kms around the city where we went bar hopping, saw new suburbs I’ve never been to, tried some new eateries, spoke about our education, and we even went dancing in an underground club. I actually enjoyed myself. Like, who am?!

The splitting headache that came the next morning.
June 28, 2019

I have a few items on the to-do list this week:

Go to the Canadian Consulate and request my absentee ballot for our Federal Election (just because I’m in a different country, doesn’t mean I surrender my democratic duty as a Canadian)
Continue to go Church Hopping to find a new community (super tough because a lot of these churches are quite conservative, sigh)
Take my “not so little” cousin out into the city
Buy more socks, another pair of jeans and flannel, it’s about to get colder (I think I’ll go to a few thrift shops for the flannel)
Celebrate Canada Day (without Poutine, sigh)

As I kick off week three of my Radical Sabbatical, I’m retelling the valuable words from my friend Somi in my head:

“Zaighum, you are a human being, not a human doing”.

I hope they can help you on your own journey!

Onwards,
Zaighum

Tag: humanbeing

Restart

I’m STILL (f)unemployed and it’s time to start enjoying it!