I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m not a light packer. I usually take flights that allow two check-in’s, one carry-on, and a personal bag. I usually pack just enough to not have to pay overage fees.
I laid out my suitcases on the bed and began packing for the year. “Roll, don’t fold” I continued to tell myself as I packed my clothes. I evaluated my outfits. Would I wear this? If it was a yes, it went into the bag. If it was a no, it went back into my closet.
I’ve packed t-shirts, couple of long sleeves, some button downs, a mix of pants and shorts, and my favourite shoes; I haven’t even started with socks, underwear or my toiletries.
There are some gifts that were given to me that I need to bring: a personalized tumbler, some books, a polaroid camera, and a picture frame.
I don’t know why I bothered packing so many clothes. It isn’t necessary. I can buy clothes in Australia. Between K-Mart and Ops Shops (Thrift Stores), I can find cheap clothing as I need it.
So, I began to take things out of the bags.
“I can’t bring all of this”, I whispered to myself.
I stared at the bags on my bed and the mess on my floor. My breathing became heavy and tears began to stream down my face. I sat on the floor cupping my mouth to try and silence the sounds of my crying.
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian
No, the literal baggage that was in front of me was not the cause of my breakdown.
It was what they represented.
I was carrying too much in my heart; desperately carrying things that I needed to let go of before I leave:
- My obsession of seeking employment the moment I land. I continued to ask myself how I was going to fund my radical sabbatical? I regularly joked about getting a job at some coffee shop along the beach. I’m beginning to accept that it might be my reality.
- My need to be in control of everything that happens. I tried mapping out my entire trip so I knew exactly what I wanted to do and when. I had to let that go. I have my first two weeks planned, and that’s it.
- My sadness over people I’m leaving behind. I think that’s been the hardest part. There are people who do not deserve to “come with me” any more. We’ve said our goodbyes and now it needs to end. I cannot seek comfort in their company when I’m feeling lonely or when I eventually come home. It’s time to meet some new people.
What are the mountains that you’ve been carrying that were meant for climbing (I just love the picture Najwa Zebian paints in my head, don’t you?). Is there something you’ve been holding onto for far too long or that you’ve packed away that is weighing you down?
What will it take for you to leave the things weighing you down behind?
After all, you can’t bring it all with you.
Current countdown till my departure is: 3 Days, 14 Hours, 55 Minutes.
Onwards,
-Zaighum
ZP's Radical Sabbatical 