wanderer – ZP's Radical Sabbatical

I’m STILL (f)unemployed and it’s time to start enjoying it!

June 30, 2019July 1, 2019 Zaigh's4 Comments

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the most of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner

Taking the Shuttle Bus into the City because there’s Track Work being done in the suburbs.
June 29, 2019

I can’t believe I’ve been (f)unemployed for a month.

I really thought I’d be getting ready to go back to work by now.

It didn’t actually hit me until I was on the bus going home.

I’ve sent 65 Resumes in under two weeks.

That’s right, 65.

Of the 65 resumes I’ve sent out, I’ve had ONE interview (by phone).

Yup, just one.

Both the Talent Acquisition Specialist and I agreed that while the job was perfect for me, I would be spending four hours per day on the train (two hours there, two hours back).

I had no choice but to go back to the drawing boards.

I was devastated.

All of my work experience, all of my education, all of my volunteerism.

Wasn’t that enough? Am I not enough?

Can you believe someone is this distraught about not working?

At the height of my emotional breakdown and identity crisis, I got a surprise phone call from a friend of mine living in Calgary, AB.

We did the usual catch up, then things got real.

He asked me how much I had saved to go on this trip? I brought what the Government of Australia asks Working Holiday Applicants to have in cash (or access to) when you arrive in the country. He asked me if I was alone? I wasn’t, I’m surrounded by family who I can reach within an hour. He asked me if there was food in the fridge? There definitely was. He asked me who I was staying with? I am staying with my cousin and her fiancé.

Then he asked, “then why are you in such a rush to go back to work?”

I was getting frustrated, I began to well up and my voice finally cracked as I said, “because I don’t know who I am without one.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “you did not pack up your life in Canada to just do the same thing in Australia.”

How fortunate am I to have friends who are willing to call me out on my shit?

I know of people who had it far worse when they did their working holiday and just came home early.

That won’t be me.

Sure, I’m not where I had planned to be, but I’m going to be just fine. Everything is falling into place (even though I can’t see it).

Who do you have in your life who can give you the tough love that you need to snap out of your pity party?

Perhaps you might need to give them a call and receive a pep talk.

Maybe you have to give someone a similar talk like the one I just got? I wasn’t expecting it or even asked for it … but oh, did I ever need it!

I’m blessed.

NO … MORE … PITY … PARTIES
June 25, 2019

“Our self-identity should be defined as who we are as individuals. What we do for work is only a piece of our lives.” – Rachael Tulipano

So, I’m pressing pause on actively looking for employment for a little while. My “coffee shop job” isn’t going anywhere after all.

What am I choosing to do to make the time pass by?

I signed up for a one month gym membership (yes, I did). An acquaintance of mine told me about circuit training that he did at F45 Training. I will be going to the 6am classes, something that I was doing three days a week back home; I’m upping the game to try and do five a week!

I signed up for the 11km run! Sutherland 2 Surf is on Sunday, July 21st! It starts off in Sutherland and takes you all the way down to Wanda Beach in my favourite area Cronulla. I’ve never ran this kind of distance before and I’m so excited to push myself to do reach this new personal achievement!

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it an remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”
Genesis 9:16 (NIV)
Cronulla, NSW
June 26, 2019

In order to get ready for my 11km run, I’ve decided I won’t just walk along my favourite beach … I’ll be running it! You can do a beautiful 10km run by running from South Beach to the Dunes and back. It’s a steady run along the boardwalk with beautiful ocean as far as your eye can see. I can’t wait!

When I don’t have plans in the shire, you best believe I’ll be going into the city! On Thursday, I went out for coffee and brunch with a new friend. We ended up walking over 23,000kms around the city where we went bar hopping, saw new suburbs I’ve never been to, tried some new eateries, spoke about our education, and we even went dancing in an underground club. I actually enjoyed myself. Like, who am?!

The splitting headache that came the next morning.
June 28, 2019

I have a few items on the to-do list this week:

Go to the Canadian Consulate and request my absentee ballot for our Federal Election (just because I’m in a different country, doesn’t mean I surrender my democratic duty as a Canadian)
Continue to go Church Hopping to find a new community (super tough because a lot of these churches are quite conservative, sigh)
Take my “not so little” cousin out into the city
Buy more socks, another pair of jeans and flannel, it’s about to get colder (I think I’ll go to a few thrift shops for the flannel)
Celebrate Canada Day (without Poutine, sigh)

As I kick off week three of my Radical Sabbatical, I’m retelling the valuable words from my friend Somi in my head:

“Zaighum, you are a human being, not a human doing”.

I hope they can help you on your own journey!

Onwards,
Zaighum

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing, and That’s Okay.

June 19, 2019 Zaigh's2 Comments

This picture was taken shortly after our Captain said, “Ladies & Gentlemen, we are making our final descent into Sydney”

“It’s better to look back on life and say, ‘I can’t believe I did that,’ than to look back and say, ‘I wish I did that.'” – Unknown

Jet lagged.

I woke up yesterday morning at 2am, then 4am, then 5am, then finally wide awake at 8am.

Sydney, Australia is 17 hours ahead from Vancouver, Canada.

I rolled out of bed and made my way into the kitchen. The kettle was already on, Mark (my cousin’s fiancé) was on the computer a few steps away, and it was time for breakfast. A cup of tea and some toast with honey and peanut butter was my chosen meal. I walked onto the deck and sat at the bottom of the steps. It was hitting me, I was actually here.

I live in Engadine, a suburb in Southern Sydney. Engadine is located about 45 minutes (by train) from the Sydney CBD (Central Business District) in the local government area of the area I grew up in, Sutherland Shire.

Mark’s home is at the end of his street. He put his heart and soul into building it. It’s has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a massive kitchen with a centre island, and a large living/dining area. The windows allow for the natural light to shine in when there’s sun. The deck looks over the backyard which has swimming pool, granny flat (a rental unit) with private gazebo, and greenery as far as the eye can see. Beside the swimming pool, there is an outdoor kitchen area which Mark and my cousin Lovella call “Banksia Bar”, which has a built in BBQ, full service bar and kitchen, plenty of seating, and even a washroom.

When I opened the cupboard, this was the only mug available. How fitting? It takes a lot of strength to completely disrupt your routine and move to the other side of the world to follow a dream. It’s an accomplishment.
(I need to keep reminding myself that it is an accomplishment)

Once you arrive in Australia, there are two things you need to get in order:

Lodge a request for a Tax File Number (TFN)
Open up a Bank Account

I finished the application for the TFN in a few minutes and was informed I would receive it within 28 Days.

If you do a Working Holiday in Australia, you should open a bank account with nab (National Australia Bank). All you need to open your account is:

Passport
Boarding Pass (from your flight into Australia)
Drivers License
Working Holiday Visa Grant Number
A phone number

Sounds like a simple process, right?

Of course not, because I have to do it.

First, I walked out of the train station and wandered up and down the streets looking for the bank. Google Maps failed to tell me that the bank was inside the mall (sigh). Once I got into the mall, the directory made no sense to me and I wandered the halls for about fifteen minutes. When I finally found the bank, they were lined out the door. Once it got to my turn, I was told the next available appointment with an account manager wouldn’t be for another two hours.

After killing time shopping (which is always dangerous when you do not have a source of income), I went back to the bank for my appointment.

I met James, one of the account manager’s. He was awesome, super personable; kindest guy you’ll ever meet. He recently got married, and him and his wife will be doing a one month trip in South America.

As he was setting up my account, he asked me what I planned to do while in Australia?

He was the first local to ask me that question.

I sat there in front of him and stared at the table between us; the small funds I had brought over with me, my travel documents, and papers to sign scattered across the top.

I looked up at him, unsure what to say.

You see, I have a series of well calculated and politically correct responses to this question. I’ve been giving variations for the last two weeks, perhaps you’ve heard them:

I’m going to go on adventures
Find work that relates to my field of study
Looking to expand my personal and professional life experience
It’s my “eat, pray, love” year
Following my dream of living abroad

The pressure of always having these carefully thought out responses has been exhausting.

I smiled at him. James doesn’t know me. We just met and we will likely never see each other again. I am one of the hundreds of clients he will meet over the next six months, so I had nothing to lose by speaking my truth.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, and that’s okay.”

I paused waiting to see what his reaction was going to be.

“That’s so inspiring, I’m so excited for you!”, he exclaimed.

It was?

Relocating to the other side of the world with a heart full of dreams and nothing lined up is inspiring?

Alright.

I need to allow myself to be okay with where I am at right now.

I cannot start work till July because that marks a new tax year for Australians. I need to revamp my resume and cover letter and begin reaching out to the network that I have built over the last four years to inquire about employment opportunities. I have to read over job opportunities, research the company, prepare questions, and go through an entire application/interview process. I need to be prepared for rejection; one of my biggest fears both personally and professionally.

I need to accept two things: I may not get the jobs that I have hoped for and I may need to settle for the serving job at the local cafe.

These are okay things.

I’ve already broken the traditional narrative that has been laid out for millennial’s to follow:

Get a degree
Get a job
Build your career
Start a family
Buy a house
Plan for retirement

No where in that narrative does it say: go and live.

My friend Somi called me before I flew out and said, “Zaighum, you are a human being, not a human doing.“

So I finished my day in my favourite spot in Sutherland Shire, Cronulla Beach. I did my usual routine, walk along the boardwalk and just sit for awhile and just be.

Cronulla Beach, NSW, Australia
(June 18, 2019)

I was walking back to the train after my time of reflection and received a message through Instagram from a colleague I went to College with.

Here’s what she said:

“Hey Zaighum! I know we haven’t talked since our one class at Douglas (which was over five years ago) but I just wanted to say I’m so, so excited for you and this new chapter in your life. I have been following your updates vicariously and I felt the same excitement you felt when I decided to move to Thailand for a year. I know for a fact that you will learn so much about yourself, make life long memories, but more important, meet people that will inspire you. It’s going to be a crazy ride but it will be so worth it in the end. Best of luck, stay safe and simply be in the moment.”

By the moment I got to the end of the message I sat on a park bench with my face in my hands.

I’m not only going to be fine, I’m going to thrive.

So, if you are in a place in your life where you are not sure what the heck you’re doing, please accept these words:

That’s okay.

Onwards,
-Zaighum

I’m on my Way

June 9, 2019June 9, 2019 Zaigh'sLeave a comment

“I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.”
-Ahunnaya

This will be my fifth time flying visiting Australia. You would think I’d be experienced enough to know my way around the CBD (Central Business District) or around my little beach town of Cronulla.

Not even close.

I cannot count how many times I’ve messaged whoever I was scheduled to meet to inform them that I was lost and would be late.

Two things I hate being is lost or late.

During my December 2018 visit, I frequently found myself getting lost as I made my way to my destinations. It was usually because I wasn’t paying attention, took a wrong turn and ended up in a place I had never been before. My commute would be extended anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour.

I continued to grow frustrated with myself as this regularly occurred. I’d ask myself, “Zaighum, how do you not remember?!”, “You’ve been here so many times!”, and of course “Can you not read a street sign?!”

I couldn’t even follow Siri’s instructions as she explained the route using Google Maps.

Pathetic.

My worldview on getting lost changed on December 20, 2018.

I was on my way to Circular Quay to see my cousin for lunch. I like to get off the train at Town Hall Station then walk a few blocks to get there.

I don’t really understand what happened, but I somehow ended up at Barangaroo. See below what was supposed to happen:

Map 1 (Left): Expectation
Map 2 (Right): Reality

“Idiot”, I muttered to myself.

I messaged my cousin to let him know that I would be running late. He didn’t care (I mean he shouldn’t have, I was paying for lunch after all). He didn’t ask how long I would be. He didn’t ask if I wanted to reschedule. He just told me he’d be waiting for me when I got there.

So, I sat at Barangaroo Wharf waiting for the ferry to arrive. While sitting at the wharf, I began to reflect on my frustration.

So what? I was lost. Was it the end of the world? No. I found a ferry wharf and I’d be at my destination in twenty minutes. Was I in a sketchy area of the city? Nope. It was quite lovely where I was. It was a sunny day, there was shelter from the sun, I had a water bottle to keep myself hydrated and my phone had a full battery with plenty of data to help the time to pass.

I embraced the place that I was in and chose to enjoy what was around me. I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. So many people long for the opportunity to visit Australia, but never end up making it.

I was here, and I needed to seize the day.

Barangaroo Wharf
Sydney, Australia
*December 20, 2018*

The ferry eventually arrived, and I made my way across the water towards my destination. The detour that I made in error reminded me how fortunate I was to be “lost” in the city that I love so much. I waved at other passengers on the ferries sailing by, I paused and stared at the creepy looking entrance of Luna Park, then I just sat in awe as I sailed under the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Three quick stops later and I arrived at Circular Quay Wharf.

As I prepare for the next 365 Days that are ahead of me, I am letting go of my fears of being lost. I don’t even know where my final destination is as I travel and explore the country I am choosing to call home a year. I couldn’t tell you where I am going to end my trip both literally and figuratively; I don’t know what cities I will visit, who I will meet, or what I’ll learn about myself.

I can tell you this: I will live in the moment and embrace the journey ahead.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

Onwards,
-Zaighum